Hi, I'm Emilia Isabelle

Diary of a Routine Rebel (in Progress) – A Little Chaos Never Hurt Nobody

Dear Diary (and anyone else who wants to read),

Okay, I’m just going to say it.. I’m Emilia, and I’m struggling to break my routine.

There. It’s out there, publicly! No, I’m not going back now. I feel like I’ve just confessed to putting milk in my coffee before the hot water (I don’t btw, I’m not a certified psychopath).

As you guys know, I’m a self-proclaimed checklist addict. Ticking boxes gives me a thrill. Nothing else can compete or compare, so save your bungee jumping for someone else. You know that little dopamine hit you get when you finish a task? I know if you’re reading this, you know the feeling! I have been known to add “make to-do list” to my to-do list just so I can immediately cross it off. Name me something that gives more satisfaction? I’ll wait.

But as a self-aware Queen, right now, that trusty little routine of mine, the one that used to keep me grounded, focused, and semi-sane? It’s starting to feel… overwhelming.

I don’t exactly know why this happens. Maybe it’s when life starts to feel a bit too lifey for me. When there’s a lot going on emotionally, mentally, existentially-I crave control. Whilst routine is vital for me.. control shows up wearing a blazer, wearing specs, holding a clipboard, and barking orders at me like:

“5:00am: Workout.”
“5:45am: Read.”
“8:01am: Arrive at work or else.”

I owe a lot to routine. (Thanks James Clear, if you’re reading this—still love you babes and your Atomic Habits.) But I’m also starting to notice that this iron grip on structure is becoming a bit… inconvenient. Like when a friend says, “Wanna grab coffee in an hour?” and my brain short circuits because excuse me? That’s not in the itinerary. That was not approved by my internal calendar secretary (her name is Glenda, she’s a stress head, and she doesn’t like. No, correction, she loathes surprises).

So why am I sharing this? Because if you’re like me—living that preplanned and scheduled until Christmas 2028 life- you might need to hear this:
Fluidity does not equal failure.

So this is for me but also for you because you need to hear it too:
Moving things around is not a sign of inferiority. It’s flexibility.
Saying “yes” to spontaneous coffee isn’t the same as upping roots and going to live abroad no matter what your internal regulatory system tells you.
Sleeping in isn’t lazy. It’s a gift of self-care, wrapped up in the guise of a cosy blanket.

Real-Life Ways I’m Trying to Break the Routine (Without Breaking My Soul):

• Say yes before you can overthink it. Sometimes, don’t consult Glenda, and if a friend invites you to a random Tuesday brunch, just say yes. I’ll deal with the wrath of Glenda another time.
• Schedule “unscheduled” time.
  Block out a couple of hours a week  “free time” This forces me to not plan—and I hate it, and it’s working.
• Switch around your schedule like a rebel. Can’t fit in your morning workout because you opted for extra duvet time? Do it in the evening. Shocker! There are 24 hours to play with, and you can schedule to your hearts content! Can’t make dinner with friends but still want to make time to see them? Invite them to your pilates class on a Wednesday!
• Create a list of things you can do which are structured unstructured pleasures for when/if you fancy:
  • Dance to one song at full volume
  • Take a random walk with no destination
  • Start a painting without knowing what it’s going to be
  • Text a friend out of the blue and say, “Nandos?”

Honestly, letting go is not something which comes naturally for me. It feels weird and uncomfortable. Like wetting your sleeve when you’re doing the washing up. But I’m learning that sometimes, what looks like chaos is actually just life happening.

So if you catch me sleeping in or showing up late to my own plans, just know- there’s no need to call the emergency services just yet.
It’s growth.
And maybe a little bit of rebellion.

Lots of love,
Your fellow routine rebel,
Emilia xoxo