Hi, I'm Emilia Isabelle

You Don’t Owe Them Your All

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is this: not everyone deserves access to every part of you.

Your time, your energy, your boundaries, your likes and dislikes. These are yours. They’re not owed to anyone. Just because someone is in your life doesn’t mean they’re entitled to know you deeply or to understand the way your mind and heart work. That level of access? That’s earned, and it comes from mutual loyalty, respect and understanding.

Recently, someone close to me called me selfish. For a moment, it stung and it opened wounds, I thought, naively, that I had healed. I started doing what I used to do. I began explaining, justifying, picking apart my own actions to prove that no, I’m not selfish (I know I’m not). I wanted to be understood. Then I took a step back, I let it sit with me, I let the words come to my mouth like bile and then mid-sentence, I stopped.

The reason I stopped is because their perception of me as selfish doesn’t actually reflect who I am. It reflects how they feel and what they perceive when I put up a boundary they don’t like. It reflects how they interpret my choice to protect my time, energy, and emotional resources, especially when I’m not accessible to them in the way they’d prefer.

What I now know is that I’ve become more intentional about where I place my time, who I open up to, and what I give away because I’ve had to be. Life has taught me that not everyone deserves the most vulnerable, giving, generous version of me. I know what I have to offer because I’ve seen myself pour into others in a way that some people could never even fathom doing for another. Unfortunately, this led to wounds that are not healed, but it’s because of that that now I only allow some people to know the surface, and that’s all they’ll ever know. That’s not cruelty. It’s protection.

If protecting my peace means someone labels me as selfish, I can live with that. If choosing my own mental health over someone else’s expectations means they don’t understand me, so be it. I’m no longer chasing approval at the expense of myself.

You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone. You don’t owe explanations for your boundaries. You don’t need to hand over the most sacred parts of yourself just because someone demands it or expects it. Every detail you share, who you show up as, and who you show up for is all within your control.

Those who know you deeply and love you unconditionally will know every part of you. The good, the bad and the ugly. They will tell you when you’re being a d*ck!

The most powerful thing you can do is honour your own needs and do so without guilt.

So if you’re like me, and you’ve ever been called selfish just for choosing you, let me remind you: self-respect isn’t selfish. Your peace is worth protecting, not everyone deserves the same version of you- especially the version you had to fight so hard to become.