“We’ll Find Out When They’re Adults”
Sometimes, actually more frequently than I’d like to admit, I lie awake at night wondering if I’m doing this whole parenting thing right. Then I remember none of us really know. We’re all just throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping some of it sticks (and that the spaghetti doesn’t later come back to therapy as evidence).
The truth is, we won’t really know if we’re ‘good parents‘ until our kids are fully grown, sitting in a coffee shop somewhere, and saying things like: “my mum always made me feel safe,” or “my dad never listened to me,” or (my personal fear) “that’s why I have trust issues.” It’s a terrifying thought, isn’t it or maybe just for me? The rest of you might be smashing it and completely confident, and I’m oversharing.. as usual.
The reality is we don’t get a progress report until it’s too late to change the answers.
The Everyday Guesswork
Did I handle that meltdown, right? What about the sixth one of the day? Should I have said yes to the playdate? Was shouting about the Hotwheels sprawled across the floor, after I trod on the Dodge Charger, likely to scar him for life?
Parenting is basically a never-ending multiple-choice exam where the correct answers aren’t revealed until twenty years later. By then, your adult child – will kindly let you know how you did, the good, the bad and the extremely ugly.
The Weight of “What Ifs”
It’s easy to spiral into what ifs. What if I wasn’t patient enough? What if they needed more boundaries? What if my decisions now are the reason they end up telling their therapist all about me?
The “what ifs” never stop. The only way through is to focus on the “right nows.” Right now, did my child feel heard? Right now, did they know they were loved? That’s what counts, and that’s the only part within your control.
Kids Don’t Need Perfect
So, as I’ve said many times before, kids don’t need a perfect parent. They need a present one. They need someone who listens, apologises when they mess up, and proves that love doesn’t vanish when things get hard.
If I can give my son that, then even if he does grow up with a few rough edges (don’t we all?), at least he’ll know he was loved fiercely and consistently.
On That Note..
Parenting feels like one giant experiment where the results won’t be published until decades later. If the outcome is an adult who feels safe, loved, and capable of handling their own feelings, then maybe all the spaghetti throwing was worth it.
So if you’re second-guessing yourself today, tomorrow, or any other day, remember: none of us really know what we’re doing. We’re all just loving our kids as best we can and crossing our fingers that, one day, the outcome speaks for itself.
Hi, I'm Emilia Isabelle 
Leave a comment