Who is “Everybody,” Really?

Spoiler: It’s Barely 5 People and Half of Them Don’t Even Care

We humans have a bad habit of giving way too much power to a mysterious, all-knowing council of critics we call the allusive.. everybody.

You already know the ones:

“Everybody will think I’m a loser because I’m a single mum.”
“If I quit my job and pursue my dreams, everybody will think I’ve lost the plot.”
“If I post this picture, everybody will think I look ridiculous.”

But here’s the million-pound question: who exactly is “everybody”? Unless you’re Beyoncé (and even then it’s questionable), the truth is most people aren’t actually thinking about you at all. (Sorry, but it’s actually good news.)

Martha Beck, in Finding Your Own North Star, points out something so obvious it’s almost funny: when you actually write down who “everybody” is, it’s usually… three, maybe five people. Your mum. Your old boss. That one friend from school you don’t even like but somehow still follow on Instagram. Maybe your neighbour who stares at you when you come home from work out their window. That’s it. That’s your “everybody.”

Half of them don’t even make your somebody list, let alone your “if you could have a dinner people for 5 who would you invite and why?” list. Then why are you letting this tiny, unofficial panel of judges run your life?

Hot to Unmask “Everybody”

Think of this like a Scooby-Doo episode where you rip the mask off the villain. Underneath the dramatic “EVERYBODY” mask is just… your Uncle who thinks all career changes are reckless, and your best friend’s boyfriend who hasn’t read a book since primary schools Biff and Chip!

Here’s how we’re going to challenge it:

Exercise 1: The Everybody List

Write down exactly who “everybody” is when you’re telling yourself a scary story.
Now you’ve established it’s not 7.8 billion humans, it’s.. maybe 4 and 1 doesn’t even have WiFi we move onto..

Exercise 2: Rate Their Relevance

Next to each person, rate (out of 10) how much their opinion actually matters to your happiness or your goals.
Your child, who thinks you’re a superhero? 100/10. Arguably even higher but let’s try remain realistic.
A colleague who thinks oat milk is a conspiracy? Probably a 1.

Exercise 3: Flip the Script

For every “everybody will think…” statement, ask: What if nobody cares? Or what if somebody is secretly inspired? Or what if I don’t even care and do whatever I want anyway?
Example: Instead of “Everybody will think I’m crazy if I quit my job,” try “Everybody will think I’m brave, or at worst, mildly eccentric and eccentric people have more fun anyway.” (finally an excuse to bring back my leopard print wardrobe)

The Bottom Line

Hello! Reality check here, everybody is just a handful of humans you’ve handed an oversized microphone to. Sometimes they’re not even tuned in, and more often than not, they’re too busy worrying about their own “everybody.”

So next time you hear yourself saying, “Everybody will think…” stop, laugh, and ask: Hang on, who’s on this so-called committee? And do they even get a vote?

This is the real bit, the only person who has to live with your choices is you. For the “everybody” disagrees? Well, they can form a very small, very irrelevant club.

Hi, I'm Emilia Isabelle