Can You Say No?
We talk a lot about saying yes for our children. We are encouraged to say yes to opportunities, experiences and socialising but we talk far less about the uncomfortable art of saying no.
The no that shows them we are listening, the no that tells them their emotions, feelings, and thoughts are heard.
Right now, my son is struggling with attachment. It has shown up more intensely recently, and anyone who has lived through this knows it is not something you can logic away or rush through. It is deep, emotional, and very real for the child experiencing it. In this moment, I know what he needs, he needs me here wherever that is.
Present and Predictable
He needs to be reminded, not with words but with consistency, that I am not going anywhere. For now, that means my social life takes a back seat, not forever but for now.
And this is the part people struggle to understand. I have heard it all before:
“Just go. He needs to learn.”
“He’ll be fine.”
“You can’t put your life on hold.”
“You’re reinforcing it.”
I’ve heard these comments for years, often from well-meaning people who don’t see the full picture. While there are times when gentle separation is the right path, this isn’t one of them. Attachment struggles aren’t taught away by absence they are soothed through presence.
There will be a time to work through the emotions and time to practice time apart but not whilst he is in the trenches of those emotions.
As it stands in this moment, his nervous system is asking a very simple question:
“Are you still there?” and my job, above all else, is to answer that question clearly and repeatedly.
So yes may mean saying no to plans, disappointing people and accepting thag my life is smaller for now but being his mum is not something I can pause.
Saying no for your child doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you’re overprotective. It means you are attuned. It means you trust your instincts over outside noise. It means you understand that childhood isn’t a race to independence, but a gradual unfolding that happens best when a child feels secure.
My social life can wait. Invitations can be declined, and plans can be changed, but these moments, where my child needs to feel anchored, cannot be rewound. Until he’s ready, that is a no, I will keep choosing, without guilt, for as long as he needs.
Hi, I'm Emilia Isabelle 
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